The Interface
by Jackie Avocado
Summary: Welcome, one and all, to this absolutely ludicrous event! I am Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, and I invite you to witness a variety of realities about a certain author, who shamelessly Self-Inserts himself into everything! And as luck would have it, he broke the setting this time! Now, come with me, and let us witness this lunacy together! (One-Shot Series)


**Attention all pimps, playahs, and pain-purveyors! It's your main homie, Avocado-sama! And with me here on this day, a glorious beginning to the _dumbest_ shit I have ever done!**

**Those of you who read The Rabbit Hole might recognize this idea, a magecraft in the setting of the Type-Moon that manipulates concepts. It's absolute bullshit and busted beyond belief!**

**Now, this a series of one-shot, as such, each chapter will present a different scenario and may or may not continue previous scenarios depending on if I feel like it or not. This series of one-shots is work out the kinks of the power itself and put it in as many different scenarios as I can throw it in.**

**For this particular scenario, I wanted to keep things as close to the canon UBW Route as possible, but with a few tweaks. I also handed myself the idiot ball of ten years straight in the context of the story!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter One: The Outsider  
**  
What did it mean to be a Hero of Justice?

If someone asked me that when I was a kid, I'd have pointed to Spider-Man and called it a day, then proceed to play my PS2. I would've probably been playing Ultimate Spider-Man, the Venom bits were my favorite.

Now, if someone asked me what being a Hero of Justice meant to me now, I'd have pointed to Spider-Man Noir voiced by Nicolas Cage, mostly because I don't care about what it means to be a Hero of Justice.

Let's be real here, anyone that really knows me would know my ideal hero is Dante from the Devil May Cry series. Not that shitty reboot though.

Uhhhhhh, where was this going again? Eh, I don't really care enough to bother with it anymore.

Anyway, here are the footnotes of what's been going on.

I got reincarnated into the body of Shirou "Hero" Emiya just as the Fuyuki Fire happened. Kiritsugu saved and adopted me. He still didn't fully teach me magecraft because he's an idiot that didn't realize that since the Einzberns knows he alive, who's to say anyone that has a grudge against him doesn't as well? That and I doubt realistically, the Einzberns would leave Avalon alone without a fight.

...But over the course of ten years, nothing fucking happened. So, screw any sort of realism, I guess.

At the very least I was able to, very painfully mind you, kick-start my Magic Circuits through a Nerve Circuit. It took some trial and error, but look on Kiritsugu's face when I pulled it off, so glad I had that camera on hand that day.

Unfortunately, I still only knew Projection, Structural Analysis, and Reinforcement. So, I did as any dumb fan of the Fate series would when thrown into Shirou's body, try my hand at Tracing.

...Which I had minimal success in. And considering that I probably didn't have Shirou's Origin and Element of Sword, which I could only speculate at the time, it was to be expected. Hell, the only reason I got so far with it was that I knew all of the required steps of Tracing by heart and through subconscious use of what my real magecraft is.

As the Grail War kicked off, it was my belief that only Tracing would get me through the ordeal alive, not to mention the only surefire method of taking Gilgamesh down.

But no matter how hard I tried over the course of ten years before the Grail War, I could never use Tracing effectively in the way Shirou and Archer did. That would get me killed in no time flat, it was Bad End Central, I wasn't about that life, fam.

I had ten years to train up for this Grail War! Ten years with my Magic Circuits unlocked unlike Shirou in canon! I spent ten years trying to master Tracing with an almost obsessive zealous!

And what did I have to show for it?

A wooden bat that I Traced and used to whack Cú Chulainn in the face so hard that he was sent flying out of the school's second-story window.

Okay, now that I think about it, that wasn't too bad.

He was a Saber this time for some reason, probably Butterfly Effect or some shit.

Either way, that glorious swing was my dying action, getting stabbed in the chest kills people after all. But as shown time and time again in this series, people do not die when they are killed.

Thanks for the pick-me-up, Rin. Love you!

So, running home and intentionally summoning a Servant before Saber showed up to finish the job...I summoned Lancer.

Riding in on the armored horse known as the Dun Stallion. The welder of Rhongomyniad, clad in silver and blue armor resembling a lion. The King of Knights, Artoria Pendragon had been summoned into the 5th Holy Grail War.

And I got some sick tattoos on my hand as well. Bitchin!

"I ask of you. Are you my master?" It was like her voice lit up the darkness itself.

I stared at her in awe for a few seconds, and Saber Cú Chulainn finally showed up.

Blue Boy scowled. "Tch, so you summoned the seventh Servant, and it's a Lancer. Now I feel like I'm losing my touch, and I'm insulted."

I turned to my Lancer. "Yes, I'm your master for this Grail War, and I would very much like to not die a second time tonight."

Both she and the _horse_ turned to me after I said that. Even with the helmet on, I could almost make out the look of utter bewilderment on her face.

"You...died?"

I nodded. "He stabbed me through the heart not even an hour ago. I'm only alive because of the goodwill of another master."

Artoria and Dun snapped their heads to Cú Chulainn, a fire burning in their eyes. "He will be dealt with, master."

"Uh, Shirou is fine. Also, thank you kindly, you're a real sweetheart!" I shamelessly flirted with my own Servant.

Cú Chulainn readied his sword as Artoria approached. "I might not be as good as I am when I'm a Lancer, but don't think I'll go down so easily!"

He went down rather easily.

The only reason he's alive is that his master, most likely Kirei Kotomine if things aren't too off canon, probably used a Command Seal to get Cú out of here.

After that, things pretty much followed canon aside from a slight bit of memes, me flirting with my own Servant, and my obsessiveness with trying to get Tracing down.

Caster had fucked up our day, taking Lancer with her, Archer "betrayed" us, and Cú Saber came over to help.

It wasn't until I had to fight EMIYA that I finally got my shit straightened out, but it was an interesting experience for both of us. He knew everything he needed to know about me at first glance, it was probably the only reason he never tried to kill me even though we were on the pain train to the Unlimited Blade Works route with no breaks.

We stood in front of each other, in the crumbling ruins that were once the Einzbern Castle. I had cuts all over my body due to our intense fight.

"I fight you not because of your ideals, Shirou," Archer stated. "I stand before you because I see someone chasing after another as if that person is who they are. You are not the existence known as 'Shirou Emiya'. You share the same name, yes. But, who are _you_?"

It was with those words that got the gears in my head turning.

Tracing was the only magecraft allowed to Shirou Emiya. Yet I was not him. I was Me, some random nerd from another reality. Then why did I chase after the ideal of being Shirou Emiya? Because I felt I had no place in the world. I was reborn as Shirou Emiya, so I thought that's who I should be.

But I am not Shirou Emiya. I don't belong in this world, it has no place for me. In the end I was only an outsider looking. Who the hell was I-

...An outsider.

Like that it clicked.

I was an _outsider._

I was from a world where this was all a narrative. I very dumb convoluted - not making much sense at times narrative, but a narrative none the less! It was a visual novel, light novels, anime, manga, video games!

The world view I had compared to everyone in this reality was out of bounds with...well reality, that even the alien common sense of Daemons and even Types would take one look at me, and say something along the lines of "The fuck am I looking at?" If I was to be categorized into anything in this reality, the closest thing I'd fit into would be with the Servants under the Foreigner class.

Even though I have lived in this world for ten years. Even though I loved and cared for the people around me. Enough though everything was as real as it got. The pain of fighting. The sorrow I felt when that asshole, Kiritsugu, died. The fear of fighting other Servants. The helplessness as death took me after Cú Chulainn killed me.

There was one thing that remained an absolute constant in my mind.  
**  
I'm in one of my favorite fictional universes.  
**  
Fiction.

Not once had it left my mind that this was a narrative that I had experienced before.

Before any of this, I had loved with them, I had hated with them, I had cried with them, I had laughed with them!

I was a read, a player, an expander.

I was an Outsider.

And with this body, the body of one Shirou Emiya, I was able to look in and interact with the world.

The Outsider looking in.

I raised my hands, the Traced versions of Kanshou and Bakuya in them due to the fighting Archer and I had engaged in. They disappeared in motes of blue light, leaving my hands empty once again.

I looked at my hands. I saw the hands that belong to Shirou Emiya. So, I looked past those, I looked at the hands that belong to Me.

"...Structural Analysis" My voice was barely even a whisper.

Now with a magecraft like Structural Analysis, information would be given directly to the caster's mind. But using this magecraft with this new mindset - with this new target I had never given it before...

Information did not flood my mind.

Instead, I _saw_.

I saw concepts. I saw the boundaries between dimensions. I saw the world on a metaphysical level. And I understood all of it.

What became the beginnings of a strangled smile turned into bawling laughter. Tears of relief and self-loathing fell from my eyes.

"I wasted ten years of my life trying to be someone I wasn't!" I laughed. "I don't need to be 'Shirou Emiya' to get through this, I just need to be Me."

"...Shirou?" Artoria called out, concerned.

Archer sighed. "Took you long enough to figure it out. If it's any consolation, you exhibit stupidity worthy of the name 'Shirou Emiya'."

"I accept your backhanded compliment in stride," I said. "Now, if you'd take a step to the right..."

I looked at the concepts within me, and I tried something with them. I used Reinforcement on the concepts of Speed, Perception, and Strength.

Archer did as I advised and I rushed forward at speeds that would have Servants scratching their heads, and grabbed the golden sword that would've stabbed through his back by the tip of the blade. With my new found might, I threw the blade back at the offender.

With a loud clang, it was knocked out of the air by another golden blade.

"I don't believe I gave you the right to touch my treasures," Gilgamesh gave me an unamused look. "Faker."

I shrugged. "Get with the times, Goldilocks, I just got off the Faker Train." I used Tracing to summon my trusty baseball bat and pointed it at him. "But I'm more than ready to play ball if you're up to it."

Gilgamesh raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you had no such confidence the last time we met. Did something change?" From his place atop the set of stairs, he squinted his eyes at me for a few moments before they widened ever so slightly. "Ah. I see now."

Archer Traced a new set of Kanshou and Bakuya, and stood by my side. "So, you've figured out what you're capable of?"

I gave a grin of almost manic glee. "I don't even think I've scratched the surface of what I can really do!"

Gilgamesh looked between EMIYA and myself, he gave a hearty laugh, and turned to walk away. "Faker," This time he addressed Archer. "I have found someone more amusing to entertain myself with, I believe you know better than to get in my way."

"Tch," Archer frowned, but made no other reaction to his words.

"Boy - No, Outsider," The Archer of the 4th Grail War called out. "The temple. Tonight. We will meet again there. Don't keep me waiting."

I kept my eyes trained on the King of Heroes as he left the main hall of the castle.

As soon as he was out of sight I fell to my knees and laughed. "...Holy fuck, this is insane! The possibilities with this are virtually endless!"

"Calm down, kid, I don't need you losing yourself to the typical magus mindset." Archer deadpanned.

"Bruh, what are you talking about? I'm just thinking about introducing Berserker to Suplex City if he was still alive!"

He sighed. "Nevermind, he's still the same crazy moron."

"Shirou! Archer!" We all turned as Rin came running in. "Shirou, are you okay?"

I got up from the ground and hugged Rin lifting her off the ground and spinning her around. "S-S-S-Shirou!?"

"Rin, I figured out what my magecraft really is!" I set her down and kissed her passionately right then and there.

"Mmmmmm!?"

I pulled back. "I can manipulate concepts, Rin! This is insane! Uhhhh, Rin?"

Rin laid limp in my arms, steam practically erupting from her bright red face, and her eyes were a swirly mess.

"Ah, I forgot tsunderes tend to get burnt out quickly if you're too forward with them." I chuckled. "She's going to flip when she finds out what I can really do."

"Should I get the camera on standby, Shirou?" Artoria asked.

"Yes, please!"****

  
"You can manipulate _concepts!?"_ Rin shouted.

"Yes! It's fucking awesome!" I shouted back, grinning.

"Do you have any idea of the implications of this!?"

"Yes, and I'm going to abuse the absolute hell out of it!" I didn't even try to contain my excitement about this discovery. "I think I've got a big whiteboard somewhere in the shed, give me a second, I'll be back."

I all but ran to the shed and grabbed a large whiteboard on wheels, something you'd usually find in a classroom. I bought it on impulse, never really used it, but I'm glad I have it now.

As I wheeled back into the living room with the whiteboard, I noticed Archer cooking in the kitchen.

"You forgot this," He said as he tossed me a marker.

I caught it. "Thanks, Superhero."

He sent me a bland look. "That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard out of your mouth."

"This coming from the guy that coined the phrase 'People die when they are killed'?"

He looked at me for a few seconds before going back to cooking, grumbling under his breath.

Rolling the board into the room, in front of a stunned duo of Rin and Artoria, I uncapped the marker. I wrote Outsider on the top left and Sword on the top right.

"Okay, let's start with Sword here," I began. "So, I'm going to skip the lecture on Elements and Origins since everyone should know that. Now, Archer's Elemental Affinity and Origin is Sword. It's what allows him to do Tracing with such precision and speed, and is also the very reason he has his Reality Marble, Unlimited Blade Works. He can Trace any Noble Phantasm with the exception of Divine Constructs, and even then, he can still Trace a few of them. One of them being Avalon!"

Artoria got up with a start. "Avalon!?"

"Oh, shit, that's right, you still don't know yet."

"Know what?"

"Last Grail War, my adopted father, Kiritsugu Emiya, was the master of Saber, who just so happened to be Artoria Pendragon." Lancer widened her eyes as I spoke. "The catalyst used for the summoning was Avalon. They kept its existence hidden from her throughout the whole war. When the Fuyuki Fire happened, Kiritsugu found..." I paused and glanced at the kitchen where Archer was still cooking. "He found us, and used Avalon to save our lives."

"Well, continue your lecture, 'Professor' Shirou." Rin mocked, but mostly to get us away from the heavy atmosphere the previous revelation imposed.

"Ah, yeah," I broke out of my stupor and began writing on the board once again. "Archer's Origin dictates that 'My body is made of blades'. My Origin, Outsider dictates 'My body is that from which a new world can be reached'."

Rin's eyes widened. "That means you have a different Reality Marble than Archer!"

I smirked. "You see, that would've been the case if..." I wrote down 'Gaia = New World'. "If this wasn't already the New World."

Rin blinked in confusion. "How is Gaia the New World?"

"Because Shirou is a reincarnation," Archer explained from the kitchen. "I figured it out the first time we met. When we fought, his memories leaked into my head. Trust me, you don't want to know what I saw."

I sighed. "I'm so sorry about the toxic fandom."

"Of all the things they could've come up with for an alternate way of calling me awesome or badass, they had to go with _gar_."

"Should I even mention Grand Order?"

"No! And don't even get me started on all of the erotic-!"

"Archer! Spare their innocent minds!"

"Erotic what?" Artoria asked.

"Nothing!" Both Archer and I shouted.

Rin narrowed her eyes at me, and I could see her glancing at the kitchen. That look told me all I needed to know. She was going to find out what we were talking about, and nothing was going to stop her. Well, except for me.

Her eyes locked with mine again, an air of uncertainty taking hold of the room. "So, how long have you been a reincarnation, Shirou?"

"Been a dead man walking for ten years, Rin." I explained. "Got hit by lightning one moment, woke up during the Fuyuki Fire the next, confused as hell."

She gave me a look of sympathy. "...I see."

"Anyway, with the revelation of what my Origin was, I pulled back, in a sense," I mentioned my hands over my body. "What you see here is the body of Shirou Emiya, the body I was reincarnated into. I looked at _Myself_, instead of Shirou Emiya, and I gave Structural Analysis that target. Instead of information flooding my mind like usual, my perception of the world change to something not unlike those with Mystic Eyes."

Rin gasped. "And with that, you were able to perceive and interact with concepts!"

"And so much more!"

"More!?"

"I saw the flow of Time itself. I saw the boundaries between dimensions. I was able to mess with the very concepts than dictated my being like the settings of a videogame." I ranted. "This goes beyond traditional Thaumaturgy! Rin, I have True Magic!"

_Thud!_

"She fainted, didn't she?" Archer asked.

Artoria and I stared at Rin's unconscious body for a few seconds.

"And on cue too."

"Then we'll have to explain Gilgamesh's plan while we eat."

"Ah, shit, I forgot about that bit."

"She's going to yell at us again."

"I know, dammit!"****

  
So, after explaining what Gilgamesh was planning since the golden fuck decided to not share his evil scheme this time around. I got yelled at by both Rin and Artoria, had an epic threesome with them about an hour later, wherein Artoria got quite a bit of prana from both of us, and Rin implanted her Magic Crest into so we could link our prana supply together.

Afterwards, I made a pact with Archer, which he agreed to, considering the circumstances.

Finally, we made it to Ryuudou Temple, Archer scouting out the area for any unexpected bullshit that we missed, and Lancer went to take on Sasaki Kojirō at the gate.

Rin and I stood in front of the lake of liquid curses, at its center, the humanoid mass of flesh with countless arms with Shinji Matou as its heart.

"Ah, this place feels like how it was ten years ago," I said nostalgically. "All it's missing is the ever encompassing fire and endless screams."

"Morbid humor aside, this must really be the Grail then." Rin's face turned serious. "The vessel must have been too small. What's inside is breaking the vessel and leaking out."

I nodded. "And since Shinji's the core, we got to take care of him first. Rin, when you find him, just kill him."

"W-What, Shirou!?" Rin shouted, shocked.

"What?" This was a little confusing. "He's a piece of shit, and I'm not risking you over him."

"But to immediately suggest killing right off the bat...?"

And like that, it hit me. "I have just realized that you don't know what the Heaven's Feel Route is and right now would be a very inconvenient time to explain it."

Rin gave me a look. "Shirou, what's the Heaven's Feel Route?"

I sighed. "Rin, just do what you need to. I'll...explain once everything is said and done."

I heard footsteps behind me. "Ah, there you are, Outsider. You made me wait, and you brought an uninvited mongrel with you."

"Nice to see you too, Goldilocks," I addressed the King of Heroes. "I see the evil plan is going well."

"You of all people would know, wouldn't you?" He said.

Shit...I thought he only knew I was a reincarnation. He knows I know the future. Well, let's hope that's all he knows and doesn't actually the future itself. Seriously, fuck this guy and his Noble Phantasms, Sha Naqba Imuru should be fucking nerfed!

I shrugged. "Whatever, let's go to the temple and get this over with."

"I suppose I should give you and your guest a brief reprieve." He smirked. "I would be pathetic for Shinji to be alone in the end. Bearing witness to how this ends will give your lives meaning."

Rin's eyes widened. "Oh god, he's really trying to genocide humanity."

"Yep, what did I tell you, he's almost as crazy as me," I said. "He's even excited to see whoever survives the aftermath of his little shit show, and rule over them."

"Is it not?" Gilgamesh grinned. "The world has become far too kind to humanity. Too overpopulated. Is it wrong for a king to thin down the herd?"

I gave him a blank look. "Thinning the herd would be World War III, this is covering the herd in gasoline and lighting the match."

Rin glared at the King of Heroes. "Tch! I was a fool to expect a straight answer. I'm putting an end to your Holy Grail right now!" She turned around and made her way toward the lake of muck that the Grail spilled. "Shirou, I'm going to pull Shinji out. Whatever else he is, he's still Sakura's brother."

She pulled out a blue gem and swallowed it, a glow emanated from her body for a few seconds.

I hung my head. "Rin, there's no way you can even imagine just how much you're going to regret this decision, but you do you."

She gave a soft laugh. "This coming from the guy who homerun-ed Saber? From the guy that saved my life more than a few times, and the life of one of my friends when you had more than enough reason to leave us for dead? The guy who started hitting on Rider when you first met her? The guy who crashed through a window in Caster's hideout and got up saying one of the most convoluted one-liners I have ever heard? And you did it all with a baseball bat while screaming, and I quote, 'I speak for the trees!'."

I paused. "I am a horrible influence."

"Yes, you are." Rin confirmed as she made her way towards the lake of curses.

Gilgamesh laughed. "You mean to walk through those curses? Do you think a lowly human could walk through that?"

Rin's face of determination did not waver. "Don't underestimate me. I handle curses like these as if they were nothing."

"Stubborn, even in the face of death? How charming." The Golden asshole said, he almost seemed like he meant it. "However," His amused gaze turned into a glare. "Who gave you permission to leave my presence?"

A golden portal opened. A Noble Phantasm was fired, about to impale Rin at high speeds.

_Clang!_

"Nope!" I yelled as I batted it away with my trusty Trace-ball bat. "I'm delighted to say that you're days of firing Noble Phantasms like it's going out of style - and it has - ends today!"

He gave me a condescending smile. "Oh, the Outsider wishes to challenge me? I only had a few choice words for a fool such as you," A doze golden portals opened behind him, all with weapons poking out of them. "But perhaps making an example of you suits you best."

"Now hold on there, Goldilocks - shit!" I dodged a Noble Phantasm aimed at my head. "Give me a minute, and I can do everything I need to beat you."

He raised an eyebrow. "You, a mare mongrel, not fit enough to stain my shoes, beat me?"

I've snagged him in his pride, right where I want him. Now, let's keep it going.

"S-Shirou!?" Rin turned around and yelled. "What are you doing, this isn't in the plan!"

I smirked, Archer and I might have...tweaked the plan a _bit_. "Of course I can beat you, I've got True Magic."

He smiled as if looking at a predetermined failure, and all he had to do was watch the following catastrophe. "Fine then, I'll humor you. One minute is all you have."

"This is going to be good!" I threw off my jacket and shirt, revealing the complex array of runes across my back that seemed to be in the shape of wings. "Rin, Archer and I did something fucking stupid!"

"I can see that!" She shouted, very much pissed.

"You see, the array of runes was courtesy of Archer," I explained. "He may not be on Cú Chulainn's level, but he gets the job done nicely. It's a typical array for when a magus wants to extend the existence of their magecraft for a short period of time by delaying Gaia's ability to dispel it. Now, this array of runes is particularly special for me, it gets ninety percent of my job done without me even lifting a finger." I grinned. "The specifics of it are that it connects to Gaia in order to numb its targeting ability, like being tricked, until Gaia gets ahold of itself and the magecraft is deleted. Now, edit a few concepts on how the array works, and now Gaia thinks whatever I'm doing is perfectly normal."

A greenish-blue aura emanated from my body. "And with that in mind, manipulating how much prana my body can produce along with how many units of prana can be used by my Circuits at a time becomes means..."

The King took a step back in shock. "You...You're commanding the world itself!?"

In a flash, I crossed the distance between us. The virtually infinite amount of prana coursing through me making the incredible effort of manipulating concepts trivial.

I held up Gilgamesh by his collar. "You know, there's a certain sport I excel at," I reared my arm back. "COMPETITIVE BITCH TOSS!" And flung the King of Heroes far enough to crash into Ryuudou Temple.

Oh my god! That so fucking satisfying! Been waiting to do that since I met the fucker! Alright, let's bring this shit fest in.

"S-Shirou…?" Rin called hesitantly.

I gave her a wave. "Don't worry, this'll be finished before you even finish getting Shinji out, so use as much of my prana as you need."

Without listening to her response, I took a single step, and immediately arrived at the temple as if teleporting. Shoving my hands in my pocket, and casually walked towards the building with the Gilgamesh sized hole in the roof.

"Hey, bitch!" I yelled. "Cough if you're still alive!"

My words were met with a hail of golden weapons. Just before impact, I took a step.

_Boom!_

Gigamesh scowled as he looked at the spot I used to be. "...Begone, insect."

I threw my arm over his shoulder. "Thanks, dude. That spider was fuckin' huge. Creeped me the hell out."

He grabbed a blade out of his Gate and slashed at me. Easily, I jumped just of distance.

"Easy, buddy, you might hurt yourself with that." I mocked.

His rage-filled gaze lock with mine. "How!? No mere human, not even the gods can control the world itself!"

Slipping behind him, I smacked him in the back of the head, sending him rocketing towards the temple ground with a resounding boom. "Fuck you, that's how."

I jumped out the temple roof and onto the ground, normally, a fall like this would do some serious damage to me, even with Reinforcement applied, but with my newfound abilities, I didn't even feel the impact.

"Alright," I cracked my neck. "I've had my fun, Gilgamesh. I'm just gonna kill you now and go home."

As the dust from Gil's express fight cleared up, I noticed he was bleeding pretty heavily from his head. Did I knock some sense into the genocidal maniac?

"You think too highly of yourself, insect!" He shouted, seemingly struggling to stand. "But I acknowledge your strength! Come, I believe I have a sickle perfect for decapitating you somewhere in my treasury. Would you rather me take it off in one clean swipe, or do you want to feel the blade work its way through your neck!? It's your choice!"

I believe that's a negative, he has no sense at all.

Countless portals opened up behind him, the widest I've ever seen the Gate opened. Shit, he was actually taking me seriously. One more push and he might even use Ea on me.

"How about no?" I snapped my fingers, the sound echoing loudly throughout the temple grounds.

The Gate of Babylon is a pocket dimension with all of Gilgamesh's treasures. Normally, one couldn't perceive the Gate, I'm not sure Mystic Eyes would be able to see it. But I perceive Gaia, and anything in it, including a pocket dimension treasury that a dumb king opened wide for me.

The Gate could only be used by Gilgamesh. It, in a sense, has Goldilocks "registered" as its user, like an online account. All I need to do is change the user name as password and...

All of the opened portals closed behind Gilgamesh.

"What!?" The shocked look on his face was priceless.

"If you're wondering about what just happened, I had Archer set up a Bounded Field around the Temple and link it to me, it's Structural Analysis on a large scale," I explained. "And my abilities work off of Structural Analysis. In other words Goldilocks, I'm God here."

I snapped my fingers again. Golden portals opened behind me, and golden chains flew out of them and bound Gilgamesh, and in a similar way to how he bound Berserker in them. He struggled against them to no avail.

Enkidu, the Chains of Heaven. Able to bind any divine being without fail, and the higher their divinity, the stronger the chains were. And Gilgamesh was two-thirds god.

"You...you…!" He growled, his eyes bloodshot with rage.

I smirked, knowing just how much boiling anger flowed through Gilgamesh. I stole his Noble Phantasm, the Gate of Babylon. The euphoria I felt when I saw the look of shock on his face as I used his most trusted treasure against him was immeasurable.

The hell I experienced ten years ago flashed through my mind. Shirou Emiya despaired that he could not save a single soul, he developed a series of complexes to cope with the tragedy he experienced. He adopted his father's ideals to become a Hero of Justice as a result.

Me? I was enraged, I hated it, loathed it with every fiber of my being. The helplessness, the despair. Unlike Shirou, who only focused on survival, I tried to save someone, anyone! But to no avail. Nearly getting myself killed following screams and blood trails, hoping to see someone. I kept looking and looking until I passed out, only to wake up in a hospital where Kiritsugu awaited me.

The previous euphoria turned to an icy rage as my gaze dug into Gilgamesh's.

I knew the one who caused the fire was Kirei, he made the wish, but Kiritsugu had Saber blast it to pieces before it could be fully granted.

But Gilgamesh? He was the mastermind behind Kirei. Besides, my beef with him wasn't done yet.

"Kneel." My voice was colder than I ever knew it could be.

The chains forced Gilgamesh down on his knees. It brought some satisfaction to see the arrogant dickwad completely helpless.

Over five hundred people died, I was the only survivor, I had the undesired privilege of listening to their dying screams until only silence remained. I had front row seats to see my own sister get her eyes slashed out and her still-beating heart ripped from her body. And now the fucker wanted to start the apocalypse for shits and giggles.

I was going to break him, body, and spirit. Only then would I kill him. Luckily, I knew how to do both at the same time.

Shirou Emiya would never have done something this petty and blatantly evil, he strived towards the ever distant goal of being a Hero of Justice. Doing this would probably put me on the same level as the golden fucker I hate.

Fortunately, I'm not Shirou Emiya. And frankly, I don't really give a fuck.

Another golden portal opened, I reached in, and pulled out the blade which would be my tool to his execution. I held the next most trusted of the Hero King's treasures in my hands. Ea, the Sword of Rupture.

Gilgamesh saw what I took out of the Gate.

"...Damn you!" He growled through gritted teeth. "Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!"

I did not have a dream of being a hero. My ideals weren't anywhere close to chasing such a dream. After all, I was a dumb art student.

Being a hero was far out of reach, but…

"Don't be so red, Goldilocks," I mocked. "Every hero needs his villain."

I raised up Ea.

_Slash!_

I sliced a bloody gash across his chest.

"That's for all the people who burned alive ten years ago."

_Slash!_

"Argh!" Gilgamesh gritted his teeth in pain.

Another gash on the opposite side, forming a large X on his torso.

"That's for my sister."

_Clang!_

"Raagh!" Another scream of pain.

I hit Ea across his head.

"That's because I really don't like you a lot!"

He gave me a rebellious look. "Do...Do you really believe something like this will break me, you-"

_Smack!_

I backhanded him, busting his lip. "Shut the fuck up. I didn't ask for your input," Thought he did have a point, I dragging this out, kill him before something dumb happens that ruins everything. "Besides, I'm just dicking around. Don't you tenderize the meat before you cook it?"

_Stab!_

"Aaugh!" The King of Heroes coughed up blood.

I smiled cruelly. "I'm making kebabs tonight, but since you're in such a rush, I can start with you." The black, red-marked cylinders of Ea turn. From the look on his face, he barely bit back a cry of pain as Ea began to slowly twist and grind at his insides. "Though I'm not known for making mistakes in the kitchen, I'm prone to fucking up every once in a while."

Gilgamesh looked at me, not in hate, not in contempt, but in genuine shock. I had to guess he knew what I was about to do with Ea.

I saw fear in his eyes as my eyes bored into him, just a hint, but it was noticeable. Now, I finally knew that I had broken him. Not broken in the sense that I had left him a husk of his former self, but in that I had broken the fearless facade he built around himself.

He did not fear death, nor pain. But now, even if it's in a small capacity, he fears me.

I grinned widely. "Heh, good enough for me. Enuma Elish!"

With a flash of light, and a swirl of red wind, absolute destruction was unleashed by Ea.

Gilgamesh didn't even have time to scream as the miracle of genesis tore through his body like wet tissue paper. In nearly an instant, he was vaporized. No blood, not even ashes remained. Just a huge trench in the ground.

I let out a loud groan of satisfaction. "Fuck that felt good!"

After the high of pure, curb-stomp, victory died down slightly, I noticed Ea was still in my hand.

"Ugh, I don't even trust myself with this fucking thing," I threw it back into the Gate along with the chains. "In you go."

I collapsed, laying down on my back, and stared at the full moon in the afterglow of victory.

Archer materialized, looking down at me. "That was unnecessarily brutal."

I raised an eyebrow. "Was it satisfying?"

He smirked. "Every second of it."

"Heh," As expected, we may be different people, but there's nothing like seeing some asshole get what they deserve to bring the family together. "So, status report on that horse fucker, Shinij."

"Alive, breathing, and safe." He said, I could _feel_ the dryness of his tone.

I sighed. "All things that should not be. What about Rin and Artoria?"

"Safe, sound, and made me explain our plan," I saw the smirk on his face. "They're pissed, and marching up those stairs as we speak."

I closed my eyes resigned to my fate. "Ah, slapstick humor after the final confrontation. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be." I opened one eye to look at Archer. "So, you want to stick around, you know, get a vacation from the Counter Force?"

He crossed his arms and sighed. "Not sure if I could stay even if I wanted to, Alaya might just pull me out of this timeline."

An idea crossed my mind and I grinned. "Ah, but Señor EMIYA, you're forgetting who you're dealing with here." I snapped my fingers, and a slight wave of energy filled the air. "I'm still hooked up with admin privileges in Gaia's system. Shirou EMIYA, you've been 'Honorably Discharged' from the Counter Force."

His eyes widened and he stared at me with a flabbergasted look. "J-Just like that...?"

Until now, he'd been cursed with an existence of never-ending slaughter, with ideals that had betrayed him even after death, this was the least I could do. Besides, I actually liked the guy, he was practically family to me at this point.

"I can even make you a real body if you want too," I explained. "You can live your life as you see fit from now on."

"I..." He gave me a look of confliction, I could see he was struggling with the choice, deciding whether or not he even deserved this chance. "Yeah, I'd like that."

The heartwarming moment was broken as I heard the galloping of horseshoes run up the temple stairs.

"SHIROU!" Both Rin and Artoria shouted.

"Sooooooo," Archer drawled. "You're going to tell Rin about the Heaven's Feel Route, right?"

I laughed. "Ha! She's going to be _so_ pissed!"  
**  
Chapter End**


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